So I've been wanting to post

There have been so many posts whirling around in my head lately: so many words and so little time to write them down.

I want to write about settling into Hanoi. How surreally lovely our new house is. How weird/nice it is to have a nanny for Charlie and how excellent it is that he loves her. How much better it has suited Lily to start school this time around, now that she's older. How cool it is that her class is full of kids from all corners of the globe and my thoughts on how this might affect her.

I want to write about living in a maze of alleyways that are too narrow for cars and the way that they are alive with neighborhood sounds and salespeople on bicycle who sing about their wares. I want to write about the dominance of the car in our built environment and ask what we lose through this and how it could be different.

But I also want to write about other issues. I want to write about feminism and motherhood, and the insidious role that neoliberal logic is playing in some of the debates that are currently going on. I wanted to write specifically about the intersection between AP and feminism and the willful ignorance of those who claim they're incompatible. I wanted to write about the way that breastfeeding and baby sleep are commonly written about, and the excessively individualistic framework of these debates.

I wanted to write about my experience of the gift of motherhood - about the way that amidst the mundane and repetitive work of it I found a new space to reexamine my identity and my passions and to give myself permission to discard pressures that I've unthinkingly carried since childhood. I wanted to examine the way it's allowed me to redefine success on my own terms - even as it has restricted some of my freedom to realise these new ambitions.

I wanted to write about my PhD. About why doing it was a really bad idea and how hard it's been to combine with motherhood. I also wanted to write about my more recent realisation of what I've gained from doing my PhD, and how it wasn't what I expected, but may mean that ultimately it was a good decision...

But instead I just had to get all those beginnings down and out into the world. I hope I get the chance one day to flesh them out...

I'm back

Dear blog

I've missed you. Without you I seem to have stopped recording and reflecting on the little moments that make up my life. Despite good intentions I haven't written a single 'letter to Lily' and I've barely taken any photos. To make matters worse, I don't seem to have more time either. In fact, I've realised that you were a great solution to writer's block and I've been a little, well, blocked without you.

So, I guess what I'm saying is: will you have me back? I can't promise to be faithful or devoted, in fact, perhaps it would be best for the long term if I avoided even thinking such thoughts. But I do promise to respect and value what you add to my life.

love
Cristy

So long and thanks for all the fish

From out of nowhere, it would seem, I have completely lost the desire to blog. It's gone.

Anyway, I thought that it was time to acknowledge this fact and take a break from blogging. I think that it's time to move on.

If I get the urge to blog again, and it is a big 'if', I think I'll probably start something new. This blog is starting to feel old and cumbersome.

Thanks for all the comments, fascinating posts, sense of community, friendship, etc. You (and I hope that you all know who you are) have been amazing. I don't know how I would have survived the last few years without you. Honestly. I really don't.

Take care.

Cristy

Blogiversary

Today is the four year anniversary of our first post on this blog. It was the day that P and I decided to abandon our old blogs and join forces. Of course, it would be appropriate to acknowledge that this has since become a solo blog due to P's work commitments and lowered interest in blogging.

So yeah, four years (plus another 17 months over at epeolatry, and another year or so before that on another blog that I seem to have deleted most of the posts from, which is just as well. They were probably pretty cringe-worthy, given the 'quality' of what I have kept...).

I should do something to celebrate I guess. Bake a cake. Host a giveaway. Something... But I feel a bit silly really. Probably because it isn't my real blogiversary and I can't actually determine my real one, because I seem to have deleted my first posts. mmm

Anyway, thanks for making it fun. I must say that I never imagined how much blogging would add to my life when I first started it all those years ago (furtively logging on in my office in a corporate law first that did. not. suit. me). It has been such a wonderful space for reflection, for celebrating the beauty and fun in life, for bemoaning the bad, for finding so many lovely people (and even having the chance to meet some of them and, even, make some new friends), and for making me feel less alone in those early months of mothering a newborn. So, yeah, thank you.

Maybe I should host a giveaway...

Busy, busy

Hello little blog

I have been writing many many posts to you in my head of late. I have even been composing photos for you. Sadly, however, this has not translated into very much in the way of publishing action...

You see, things have been busy around here.

P. has been crazy busy at work, I have been actually excited about my PhD, and Lily has been 'learning to sleep without mama milk', and the end result has been a little full on.

Now, please don't get confused (as many others seem to be right now) - "excited about my PhD" doesn't actually mean "I'm get heaps done". It would be great if it did, but that requires more than just excitement. It also requires regular spaces of uninterrupted time, SLEEP, a functional brain, and a few other magical ingredients. And these haven't been as easy to come by of late.

However, inspiration is certainly a pretty crucial ingredient too and, having suddenly found it again, I realise that it has been missing for a little while.

OK, for quite a significant period of time.

Anyway, now that I have found it again, I am doing my damnedest to find all of those other ingredients in order to pull it together and get this bloody thesis written. So I just thought that I would pop by to let you know where I am. And to let you know that I am still thinking about you. And that I miss you.

See you soon.

Blog reading list

After some months of wondering why my list of blogs wasn't reflective of my actual list of blogs, I did a little investigating and fixed things up a bit.

It has now been properly updated. Apologies to those that were strangely absent for so long. It was not intentional.

Please let me know if I have (once again) inadvertently left you off. (Feel free to do so by email - cristy dot nopod at gmail dot com - if you are feeling shy).

Op shop treasure

There is an op shop (thrift store) near Lily's dance class that I often pop into if we have a bit of time to spare in the area. It is small and really well laid out, making it is really easy to cover in quite a short space of time (even with a toddler in tow). I also generally find one or two things that interest me - a bit of fabric, a jar of buttons, some childrens' clothing...

The other day I popped in with only a few minutes to spare and emerged with some of my favourite finds ever: a gorgeous wooden chest (in which I plan to lock up all of my sewing bits & bobs); a funky ice bucket with matching tongs (that makes me want to host a cocktail party); a cute little bottle/vase; and a little fondue set (perfect for chocolate fondue). I also picked up a cute little basket (as pictured in the gardening post below) and a skein of wool that Lily insisted on coming home with... All up it was quite an exciting little shop.

While we are on the subject of op shopping: the other day I stumbled across a fabulous blog devoted to op shopping in Canberra - I op there I am - ACT. And I note that Zoe is a contributor too. Must be good.

Your favourite blogs?

I am not getting a lot of free time in front of the computer these days - hence the scarcity of posts. However, I am spending a lot of time on my iPod touch while feeding Lily etc (hence the twittering!) and I have been finding that my bloglines account is getting empty far too early in the day.

So, I was wondering lovely people:

Could you please share your favourite blogs with me?

BTW: I just made (and ate) the yummiest Ginger, Chickpea & Eggplant Curry and I really must share the recipe with you. It was just stupidly delicious. There, now I've said it and so I'll have to return again soon to type it out. I warn you though... it is not the world's most photogenic of dishes.

Catching up

In the past we would slip easily into conversation even though months had passed since we last spoke. Within minutes it was as though the narrative had continued unbroken - she continued her story; I continued mine. We both knew the plots and characters intimately, even though they no longer overlapped as they once did.

Now, even though it has been years, our lives have fallen into amazing symmetry - married around the same time; daughters born within weeks of each other and raised in uncannily similar ways.

But Ithaca is a long way from Canberra... and I am not sure when we will be able to see each other again.

Sigh. It would be so nice to catch up again.

[Join in Pip's words and pictures over here].

A long drive

My brother and I spent our childhood summers with my grandparents in their apartment on the Gold Coast (Surfers Paradise, to be precise). To get there we would drive up with them from Canberra - usually on Boxing Day. For some crazy reason Grandpa liked to do the 18-hour drive all in one go and so the day would start at around 2am. We would cram the boot full of our luggage - clothing, shoes, books, musical instruments, a rainbow of zinc cream (remember coloured zinc?), and, of course, our pink boogie board for riding the waves.

One year my brother and I were sitting in the car waiting to get going, when I noticed that Dad and Grandpa were having a very serious conspiratory discussion in the garage. It turns out that our boogie board wouldn't fit into the boot and they were trying to remove the large quantities of toilet paper that Grandma had packed in order to fit it in. You see, the toilet paper had been purchased on sale and Grandma, the Ultimate Bargain Hunter, was determined to take it up to Queensland with us rather than buy full priced toilet paper on arrival.

I don't know how the issue was settled, but I do know that our boogie board made it up to the beach that year.

Summers with my grandparents were bliss. I would get up ridiculously early and watch cartoons on television. I remember writing in my diary one year that "Jem" was my favourite, but that I wouldn't admit it to anyone. It wasn't much of a secret, but I knew that diaries were supposed to contain secrets and so I was fishing about for something meaningful to write (to go along with my daily lists of activities and food consumption that tended to fill the pages of my diary in those days). Naturally my brother then read my diary and teased me about this for ages.

After cartoons we would eat breakfast. At home we had Weetbix for breakfast or porridge in winter. But that was it. At the Gold Coast Grandma would buy those mix packs of cereal and we would get to try a different little box every day. Oh the joy! Naturally we fought over the coco pops. Chocolate at breakfast was just so exciting (even if I knew in my heart of hearts that there was something really not-quite-right about it).
Post-breakfast, our days would flow smoothly between the pool (downstairs), the beach (across the road), and a daily dosage of cricket or tennis on the television. For extra excitement Grandma and Grandpa would often take us down the road to the Paradise Centre. The Paradise Centre was home to the Grundies Amusement Parlour. Here we could play games to collect prize tickets. After a summer of collecting these tickets we would sometimes have enough to 'purchase' a small plastic toy. Somehow this was seriously enticing. Grundies also had waterslides and a ghost train. The first time I rode on the ghost train a "ghost" jumped on to the back of our car and I was so terrified that I punched him in the face. I feel kind of bad about that now.

Downstairs in the Paradise Centre was an ice cream shop. Grandpa loves ice cream. Seriously. He was always very keen to share this love and so we often stopped for ice cream during our holidays. I remember how proud he was the first time that I upgraded to a double scoop and finished it. When I upgraded again to the extra topping of cream and chocolate fudge, he was grinning from ear to ear.

We also went out to dinner a fair bit while we were up there. Grandma and Grandpa loved the All-You-Can-Eat style places. We would go and pile our plates high with all manner of food. I remember proudly announcing how many courses I had consumed. "Well done," Grandpa would say, smiling. "How many have you had?" he would then ask my brother (who always outdid me). On several occasions my brother even ran around block a few times in order to fit a bit more in.

At the end of our time at the Gold Coast we would pile back into the car and take the long drive home. We would arrive brown all over from 5 weeks of constant sunshine and full of so many happy memories.

On Thursday I took Lily out to my grandparents' place for a visit. She played in their garden with them - directing Grandpa to rake up the dirt and admiring Grandma's veggie plot. I sat back and watch them together and thought about all of those childhood summers during which they gave me so much. I hope that she gets the chance to spend some of that kind of time with them too.

[Play along with Pip's Words & Pictures - "A long drive" or check out the other contributions]

Bad blogger...

Sorry, I have been a bad blogger.

It is not so easy to blog when you are staying in someone else's house - especially not when you are trying to get lots of work done on your PhD.

The good news is that the PhD is actually coming along well! I had a meeting with my supervisors on Wednesday and they told me that I was going well and was on track to complete on time.

[pauses for effect...]

Yes, I do realise that they may simply be insane, but all other evidence points to the contrary so I have decided to take to take them at their word. So: Yay! I can't properly explain how relieved I feel after hearing such positive feedback. I was so close to throwing in the towel the other month. I felt absolutely overwhelmed by it all and was just thinking that it was all too hard. Now I feel all motivated again. It is wonderful.

However, on the blogging front I have been very slack. I haven't even taken a single photo all week.

Here are a few things that I should have photographed. Lily:

• putting her hands out to Midnight (the dog) for 'kisses' (eww);
• playing in the water at Balmoral Beach with her grandparents (of course, I wasn't there - I was writing my thesis, so at least I have an excuse for this one);
• riding on the ferry;
• going off for a walk with her grandparents and Midnight to the dog park every morning, riding on grandpa's bag in the Ergo;
• (finally) learning to be 'nice and gentle' with Freya (the cat);
• floating her new boat on Grandpa's pond; and
• both of us having dinner with my mum and brother in Hyde park at the Sydney Good Food Month Noodle Market. I never did get to try the tapioca pudding with blackberry compote, but the Japanese vegetarian pancake was yummy and Lily loved the noodles.

OK. Normal posting will resume on Sunday when we get home. It is really just too hard from here...

Times Online

If I'd known that I was going to be quoted in the Times Online I would have put a little more thought into what I wrote...

Ah well, life's like that sometimes.

The blog formerly known as...

Ah yes. So we decided to change our name and banner.

Clearly there are now more than two of us and so the old name and banner were getting a little unrepresentative...

For our new name we settled on in a garden... somewhere, because that is about as specific as we can get about where we want to end up in life. We'll probably update the URL and our labels at some point too, but that may take us a little while.

I hope that you are having a lovely weekend!

A day in the life of

Half Pint Pixie proposed a blog carnival for Monday 25 August - a day in your life. Here is my post for the carnival. It's a little late (and little bit too long), but hopefully you'll understand why when you read it.

4:40am P brings Lily into the spare room where I am sleeping because she is ready for a feed. Last night this was at midnight so 4:40 is pretty good. After a few feeds she climbs up on my chest and goes back to sleep.

7:30am Lily wakes up, has a quick feed and then sits up saying "Papa, cuddle." We go and find P in the bathroom where he is finishing a shave. He overslept and is running late for work.

I jump in the shower while P gets Lily dressed. When I get out Lily comes running into the room asking for a cuddle. Her jeans are almost falling off because she is wearing a disposable nappy (required by childcare). I give her a cuddle then pop her on to the couch in the study while I get dressed.

We go out into the kitchen where P is making porridge and coffee. I run around trying to locate the childcare enrolment form and Lily's immunisation records. (Note to self: must do some filing). I pack her bag with the lunch that I prepared last night (soba noodles, tempeh & broccoli; half a banana; a mandarin; some corn thins and a container of dried fruit).

Lily doesn't want any breakfast of her own, but happily eats from our bowls. She asks to watch Playschool and watches it while sitting on P's lap.

8:45am We all pile into the car and drive into town. I remind Lily that she is going to "school" and that I will be going away and then coming back. "Yes" she says. "Cuddle." Oh dear.

P and I are both feeling sick in the stomach about taking our baby to childcare. We discuss other options (again) and I contemplate quitting my PhD (again). We agree to see how it goes.

9:05am I sign Lily into care and take her into the "mini-toddlers" room. She trots off to play with some toys and I am not sure whether to stay or go. I ask the carers to call me immediately if she gets distressed. After a while I tell her that I am going to leave and say bye bye. "See you soon," she says, and keeps playing. I leave bemused.

9:25am I hang around reception trying to lodge our paperwork and then realise that I have left my wallet in the car when I go to pay. I leave my laptop and mobile at the front desk and go to get my wallet.

9:40am The phone is in use and so they cannot process my credit card. I try to decide whether to stay or leave. The receptionist offers to go and check on Lily. I accept, relieved. She returns to say that she is quite upset and so I go straight in.

9:45am Lily is crying and cuddling me. She wants a feed so we sit down on a couch and have one. Afterwards we go to sit down with the other children who are eating morning tea. Lily wraps herself around me and snuggles into me. The little girl sitting next to us, K, says to me "I want my mummy." My heart breaks.

10:00am A little boy opposite us is being forced to finish his food. Obviously it distresses him and I feel glad that I have told them (verbally and in writing) never to force Lily to eat. I worry that this might not be enough though...

10:20am Morning tea is over and the children are playing with toy cars. The childcare workers take advantage of my presence to get some jobs done. I feel uncomfortable disciplining the kids, but have to step in a few times when they hit each other or snatch toys. Lily is happy again now and playing with a doll (her 'baby').

10:45am The children are all taken outside to play. Lily takes off to the far end of the play area and I wonder if she would even notice if I wasn't there. Not long afterwards I see that she is visually checking to make sure that I am still around.

11:00am Lily has gotten so involved in her play that she forgets where I am sitting and wanders inside to find me. She gets upset when she is gently redirected outside and so I go to her. She wants to feed again and so we go inside. K sees us leaving and wants to come too. Poor kid.

11:10am Lily is starting to fall asleep while feeding and so I ask her if she would like to go home. She sits up and decides that she would like to play outside again. We go out and K comes running over to me in tears. I put Lily down to play and pick up K. She sits on my lap while Lily plays in the sandpit.

11:30am It is lunchtime and the kids are brought inside to wash their hands. Lily wants to feed again and so I decide to take her home. We gather our things and head to the car. On the way out I check my mobile. I have missed three calls from P (worried about Lily) and have two text messages from people in my mother's group wanting to catch up in the afternoon.

11:50am Lily is starting to fall asleep while feeding in the car and so I ask her if she would like to sit in her chair and go home. She sits up and asks for a "bissie". On the way home she eats her cracker and yawns, but doesn't fall asleep.

12:05pm Lily and I eat our lunch. I wonder when she will go to sleep. I get another text from someone else in mother's group about this afternoon. Monday is a long day for all of us.

12:30pm Lily wants to play outside and so we open up the sandpit. She pours me "cups-a-teas" and I "drink" them. Then she wants to draw with the pavement chalk and so we get some out. We add to P's street-scape from the day before and I draw a dodgey butterfly.

1:10pm We go back inside and I take the opportunity to grab a muffin and a chai. I have another text from another person in mother's group wanting to know how Lily went in childcare and to let me know of still more plans for the afternoon. Lily and I read some books and play with her wooden animals.

1:30pm Lily wants to feed and gradually falls asleep. I put her down in her hammock and sit down to attend to some emails and start this post.

2:05pm Lily stirs. I am worried that she is overtired and won't have a proper sleep, but she resettles quickly when I go in to bounce her hammock.

2:20pm I get a few text messages about the afternoon. No-one seems to have a concrete plan.

2:25pm Lily wakes up again. She is clearly tired, but seems to be wide awake. She asks me to swing her in the hammock and sings and chats to me as I do. The phone rings and the planning for an afternoon activity begins in earnest. I bounce Lily in her hammock while I chat to a couple of people on the phone. I offer our house for a play-meet.

2:40pm Lily has fallen back to sleep!

2:45pm I get a text message "Cristy's place a 3pm". Oops. I run around the house straightening things up.

3:00pm S and J arrive to play. J is not impressed that Lily is asleep and wanders around looking a little bored. S and I talk about childcare. She pulled J out of childcare early this year because she didn't like it. I am realising that I should have just cancelled our booking for tomorrow.

3:15pm I make some tea and put out some food. J amuses himself in the sandpit while S and I chat. I am feeling bad that he has no-one to play with.

3:40pm M and B arrive. J is happy to have someone to play with and I relax a little. I can't believe that Lily is still asleep!

4:00pm Lily wakes up. She feels a little warm to me, but it was warm in the bedroom so I don't think much of it. She is very excited to see J and B.

5:00pm M and B go home. Lily and J continue to play together. They get along incredibly well.

5:15pm I give Lily and J some cauliflower and potato soup for dinner. Lily is very keen, but J wanders off and so she follows. Lily and J shut themselves in her bedroom and we can hear shrieks of laughter from inside. They close the door on us whenever we try to check on them and so we chock it open with a cloth.

5:30pm S and J head home. Lily and I go into the loungeroom to read some books.

5:45pm Lily wants to watch Playschool so I put it on, but then she decides to feed instead.

6:00pm P comes home from work. Lily gets her papa-snuggles and I heat up some soup for us.

6:35pm We are finishing dinner and ask Lily if she would like a bath. "No: Feed," she says. I am a little worried about the frequent feeding. I wonder if she might be getting sick.

7:00pm Lily starts to fall asleep. P changes her nappy while she feeds and we take her temperature because she still feels a little warm. It is a little high - 37.5 C.

7:30pm I put Lily in her hammock and try to finish this post.

7:50pm Lily wakes up quite upset. She is burning up. We try to give her some panadol but she doesn't want it. "Lie down," she says. She tries to feed, but gags and then climbs up on my chest and falls asleep with her arms wrapped around my neck. I guess I have just gone to bed.

10:00pm I wake up boiling hot. I have to take off the quilt as Lily is so hot that neither of us need it. She stirs a little and asks for Papa cuddles.

11:00pm Lily wakes up and tries to feed but gags again so she asks for Papa, Grandma and Grandpa snuggles. I tell her that they are sleeping and she repeats it to herself, "Papa, sleeping. Grandpa, sleeping. Grandma, sleeping." Then she says "Hurting." I ask her where but she just replies "Papa." Then she says "Papa, hurting. Papa, fall down. Grandpa, hurting. Grandpa, fall down. etc..." Poor little thing.

12:00am Lily wakes up and feeds. She then climbs up on my chest to sleep and vomits all over my pillow and down my back. I go to get P. It is going to be a long night.

Postscript: After a night of no sleep for any of us I called the childcare centre to cancel this morning's booking. As I had already paid they told me that the money would be 'credited to my account' and that I wouldn't have to pay next time I brought Lily in for care. I decided not to tell them that there is unlikely to ever be a 'next time'.

hello... and some thoughts on the morality of eating meat

Hello

I feel as though it has been forever since I last posted. Of course, I am supposed to be on hiatus, so that is how it should be. However, I feel a bit odd not posting for so long.

Things have been moving along as normal here at the house of the peas - except that we all came down with a yucky 'winters-on-its-way' head cold and had a couple of weeks of being snotty sad heads, which was not very fun.

I have also been trying desperately to get my PhD moving, but really not doing a very good job of this. I have just not been getting enough time and am finding this increasingly frustrating and discouraging. I would dearly love to just walk away from it and be free of the constant guilt that it seems to involve, but I know that I would always regret making that decision and wasting all of the time and all of the assistance that has been given to me by my supervisor and all of the people that helped me with my field work. And so I must somehow find a way to make it work.


On another subject entirely, I recently read this post by Pavlov's Cat (and the comments that it generated) and it made me stop and really think about the issue of the universal or absolute morality of eating meat. I really struggle with this issue - primarily, I think, because I feel deeply uncomfortable condemning the actions of people that I know and respect. However, when I am truly honest with myself I can't really say that I think that this is a subjective issue. I don't really think that eating meat is something that is perfectly OK and that it is simply up to the individual to decide whether or not they feel comfortable with doing it.

The truth is that I genuinely believe that animals are sentient beings who have the right to life and that killing them unnecessarily is, therefore, a breach of that fundamental right - in the same way that killing another human being is a breach of their right to life. I strongly reject a classification of the animal kingdom into some kind of hierarchy where human beings sit above all of the rest and have some kind of superior right to life and to consume all of the resources of this planet. (And this is before we even get to the issue of the incredibly cruel manner in which so many animals are treated while they are alive and the kind of impact that modern factory farming practices have on the environment).

However, the issue is also naturally far more complex that rejecting an anthropocentric view of the world. Some people around the world are in no position to live without killing and eating animals. People in many parts of Laos, for example, rely on the protein (and calories) provided by the lizards, rats, a other small mammals and reptiles in order to simply survive. Condemning their consumption of meat would be like condemning a lion for hunting. This being the case it is not possible to draw a clear line in the sand and to make an absolute statement against the consumption of animals.

Another issue that applies more to people in wealthier parts of the world is that all kinds of food production involve an environmental impact and the displacement and death of many animals anyway. This means that even a vegan diet does not escape the issue of causing death and destruction. Yet again this fact speaks against the idea that it is possible to argue that this as a truly black and white issue. So, perhaps, since the gray moral area of this issue is arguably fairly wide, people should have the right to navigate their own way through the inevitably moral compromises that must be made in making their own consumption choices.

So then, where does that leave me? Honestly it leaves me a little confused. However, I do think that it is reasonable to still believe that people should bring a mindful approach to their consumption choices. Also, there are clearly extreme ends of the spectrum that are objectively 'wrong'. Even with all the shades of gray in the middle, surely it is always wrong to lock up a pig in a tiny metal cage until she is fat enough to kill and eat? Surely it is always wrong to shove thousands of chickens into a filthy, dark and airless shed and to leave them to sicken and maim each other in their desperate attempts to stay alive?

As for the wrongs and rights of people's choices to eat locally raised, organic, free range meat: well personally I recoil from the idea. However, I feel less confident in my own right to condemn such a decision by imposing my ethical viewpoint on other people. And yet, I feel as though I am being deeply disrespectful to animals when I fail to do so...

Clearly I need to do a lot more thinking on this subject.

Blogger Excellence Award (and our escape plans)

Monday is Canberra Day here in the ACT, which means very little except that we get a public holiday and so we are going to go away (again!) for a long weekend. This time we are heading for beautiful Tilba Tilba on the NSW South Coast and I am very excited. We have hired a little cabin on a property and plan to spend the long weekend relaxing, cooking, reading (when Lily sleeps), and making little trips to the beach and the cute town of Tilba Tilba (where I often dream of living). Photos will come.

For now I must finally get around to awarding the blogger excellence award that both Isil and Half Pint Pixie were so kind as to award to me.

One of the reasons that I have taken so long to do this is that I am torn up inside about the prospect of only choosing 10 blogs. I read many many blogs - far too many - and I love many many of them so by choosing only 10 I will have to leave so many out and I don't want to give anyone the wrong impression... But, I must be a grown up about this and just choose 10 to share with you today. To help myself limit them arbitrarily like this, I am only going to pick blogs by mothers today.

So, here I go:

Here’s the associated small print:

By accepting this Excellent Blog Award, I have to award it to 10 more people whose blogs I find Excellent Award worthy. I can give it to as many people as I want but please award at least 10. Thank you out there for having such great blogs and being such great friends! You deserve this!

If chosen, you agree to the same information above. If chosen, also feel free to award people who have already been awarded…

1. Isil from Veggie Way. I first started reading Isil's blog before she or I were pregnant because of her fabulous vegan recipes. Then she announced that she was pregnant with the gorgeous Defne and I was very happy because I had just found out that I too was pregnant. She now blogs about attachment parenting as well, but continues to share her wonderful vegan cooking with us all too.
2. Half Pint Pixie. I discovered HPP's blog through Isil's last year and, as with Isil, felt as though I had stumbled across my dream online mother's group. Her daughter is a few months older than Lily, and their family sounds a lot like ours - they are vegans, they practice attachment parenting, and although they are currently living in their home country, they have traveled and lived all over.
3. Blue Milk. I first started reading Blue Milk when she stopped past our little blog to leave a comment on a post that I had written about pregnancy and feminism. I clicked over to discover a wonderfully articulate feminist mother who writes about parenting and politics (and everything else) with passion. I don't write about feminism nearly often enough and so I love being able to at least nod along with her posts that are always right on the money.
4. Ariel from Jabberwocky. Ariel is the mother of a young boy and works as a writer or editor (not sure) and you can tell. She has a lovely way with words and can make the ordinary moments of any day seem intriguing and poetic. I love reading her blog.
5. Gianna from She Sells Sanctuary. Speaking of poetic - Gianna also has this gift. Her blog is a wonderful mix of everyday parenting (or non-parenting) moments and politics - although like me she has found less to say on politics since Howard's departure. She also blogs at Surfdom.
6. Helen from Cast Iron Balcony. Helen blogs a little about everything, but I especially love her posts on feminism and politics (not that you can separate the two). She has a sharp pen (keyboard doesn't quite work here, does it?) and can pull apart a crap argument very effectively. It is very fun to read.
7. Amanda from Soule Mama. This one is kind of a strange inclusion, because she is already incredibly popular and I never ever comment on her blog. However, I really enjoy Amanda's blog - she is the mother of three young children who she unschools (a concept that I am fascinated by). She is also a very talented crafter and takes lovely photographs. I like reading her blog to simply relax and feel happy about the world.
8. Firstperson thirdcat. Thirdcat is an extremely talented writer who lives in Adelaide. I love reading her blog simply to admire the way that she writes (and also because she is very funny and leads an interesting life).
9. Pavlov's Cat. Oh I just broke my own rule. Pavlov's Cat is not a mother. However, after having written about another Adelaide writer, I felt compelled to share this one too (for those few of you who haven't visited her blog). PC writes about a little of everything - politics, feminism, gardening, food, Adelaide, family, grief... you know: life, and does it extremely well.
10. Ampersand Duck. AD is a Canberra blogger who works as an artist using Letterpress and making books. How cool is that? I love reading her blog, because she writes beautifully, she inspires me to be more creative and because it is based in Canberra, my hometown.

OH, there are so many more good blogs - some of which I didn't include simply because they haven't updated lately or (mostly) because I have run out of numbers on my list and I mostly confined myself to mothers. Please also see our blogroll and the vegan bloggers to whom I gave the Rockin' Girl Blogger award to - they are all wonderful.


Update:

OK, I am bad at this, but I just have to mention three other blogs by mothers that definetely deserve the Blogging Excellence Award and that I have been reading and loving for too long to leave off my list:

Zoe from Crazybrave. Another Canberra-based blogger, Zoe's internet has been down of late, but when she does update she is extremely funny and manages to make the sharpest points very succinctly.

Cat from Seoul Life. Cat and her partner are American expats living in Korea with their gorgeous little baby Susana. She blogs about life in Korea and parenting and writes beautifully.

Zoe from I've Come Undone. Zoe is an American mother of three children, who blogs about daily life with a real honesty that makes for great reading. I especially loved this recent letter that she wrote to her son Amonte after his experience with surgery.

Enough about me

I found out this morning at HPP that last week was Delurker's Week - a week when people who tend to read blogs but rarely if ever comment are implored to shed their lurking cloaks (for a little while) and come out and share.

[Button stolen from Paper Napkin via Half Pint Pixie]

Well, I may be a little late, but it is still last week in much of the world so why don't you take a moment to say hello and tell us about yourself.

Perhaps you could answer a few questions for us?

1. How did you first find our site?
2. Are you a regular or occasional reader, or a first time visitor?
3. Where do you live?
4. What are some of your other favourite blogs?

Thank you in advance for sharing! (Even if you aren't actually a lurker, please feel free to join in.)

Digital SLR and some Resolutions

After years of waiting P. and I finally bought a digital SLR - A Canon 400D. Very exciting!

It is just so cool. There is no shutter delay (unlike our little digital compact that annoys me so much) and it doesn't use film (unlike our film SLRs that I love but almost never use anymore). I think that this may be the inspiration that I was waiting for to entice me back to blogging.

Now, some New Year's resolutions:
1. Continue to enjoy Lily's company.
2. Eat more food that is organic, local & in season (and vegan, of course!).
3. Get back into photography.
4.. Get close to completing my PhD.
5. Eat a little less chocolate.
6. Get more sleep.
7. Get back into yoga.
8. Do some swimming.

That'll do!

Gift inspiration

If you are still struggling with your Christmas gift purchases (despite my valiant attempts at creating an ethical gift guide), or you would just like to win something, then you might want to check out Crunchy Domestic Goddess' two holiday gift guides - one for munchkins and another for adults.
The munchkin guide gives you the chance to win a gift pack from Hazelnut Kids who stock toys from a range of organic cotton people including Under The Nile. I love their stuff. A friend gave Lily one of their little grape babies yesterday and it is just so cute.

What does a feminist mother look like?

Blue Milk wanted her (feminist mother) readers to answer a few questions about their take on what it is like to be a feminist mother.

So here are my answers. (Feel free to join in and post your own answers on your blog - and then let me (and Blue Milk) know that you have done so).

1. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother?

I guess I would say that I am a practical feminist - concerned particularly with structural discrimination. My mother is a feminist so I cannot remember ever identifying myself as anything else.


2. What has surprised you most about motherhood?

How much I am willing to sacrifice for my child.

3. How has your feminism changed over time? What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism?

I have become more confident in my feminism, but also less forceful and less concerned about the little things. Motherhood seems to have mellowed me more - but so far I have not had that many challenges.

4. What makes your mothering feminist? How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s? How does feminism impact upon your parenting?

I intend to raise my daughter with the capacity to analyse the world from a feminist perspective and to challenge any patriarchal norms that she disagrees with. I also insist on sharing the parenting as equally as possible with my partner.

As my daughter gets older my feminism may occasionally bring me into conflict with people who would like (or me) to conform to their idea of what a girl (or woman) should be. Currently she is too young for this to have really come up.

5. Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother? Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother?

Yes, when I take on too much (adopt a martyr attitude) and try to be super-mum.

I don't yet feel that I have failed as a feminist mother. I am not sure that I agree with the concept of being a 'failed feminist'.

6. Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Why?

No. Probably because my mother and partner are both feminists.

7. Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist?

By expecting the same level of sacrifice from my partner. However, I don't always live up to that...

8. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? What is the impact of your feminism on your partner?

I think that my feminism reinforces his.

9. If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them?

I think that this is the reason that I cannot always expect the same level of sacrifice from my partner - he cannot feed our daughter during the night and sometimes (well often) she is far more easily comforted/settled by me - meaning that my sleep is more interrupted and I get far less time to myself.

I have yet to resolve these issues, but believe that they will get easier as our daughter gets older.

10. Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers?

Not at all. I think that society often fails mothers, but that is simply because feminism still has a long way to go in terms of making society more friendly towards mothers (and women generally). Motherhood is still naturalised and largely undervalued in our society. We are not seen as doing important (and challenging) work, but rather as staying at home and existing solely in the private (irrelevant) sphere.

So far feminism has given mothers the capacity to work part-time (in some workplaces), maternity leave & the right to return to your same position after maternity leave (in some workplaces), the Anti-discrimination Act, the vote (in order to make our society more female-friendly etc), access to more childcare options (though this still has a LONG way to go), a language to discuss our concerns about the current inequalities and systemic issues that affect us as women and mothers.

What we have yet to achieve is a greater level of respect and support for those women who stay at home with their children rather than trying to balance work and children. But again, this is not a failing of feminism - it is a failing of patriarchy.