A day in the life of

Half Pint Pixie proposed a blog carnival for Monday 25 August - a day in your life. Here is my post for the carnival. It's a little late (and little bit too long), but hopefully you'll understand why when you read it.

4:40am P brings Lily into the spare room where I am sleeping because she is ready for a feed. Last night this was at midnight so 4:40 is pretty good. After a few feeds she climbs up on my chest and goes back to sleep.

7:30am Lily wakes up, has a quick feed and then sits up saying "Papa, cuddle." We go and find P in the bathroom where he is finishing a shave. He overslept and is running late for work.

I jump in the shower while P gets Lily dressed. When I get out Lily comes running into the room asking for a cuddle. Her jeans are almost falling off because she is wearing a disposable nappy (required by childcare). I give her a cuddle then pop her on to the couch in the study while I get dressed.

We go out into the kitchen where P is making porridge and coffee. I run around trying to locate the childcare enrolment form and Lily's immunisation records. (Note to self: must do some filing). I pack her bag with the lunch that I prepared last night (soba noodles, tempeh & broccoli; half a banana; a mandarin; some corn thins and a container of dried fruit).

Lily doesn't want any breakfast of her own, but happily eats from our bowls. She asks to watch Playschool and watches it while sitting on P's lap.

8:45am We all pile into the car and drive into town. I remind Lily that she is going to "school" and that I will be going away and then coming back. "Yes" she says. "Cuddle." Oh dear.

P and I are both feeling sick in the stomach about taking our baby to childcare. We discuss other options (again) and I contemplate quitting my PhD (again). We agree to see how it goes.

9:05am I sign Lily into care and take her into the "mini-toddlers" room. She trots off to play with some toys and I am not sure whether to stay or go. I ask the carers to call me immediately if she gets distressed. After a while I tell her that I am going to leave and say bye bye. "See you soon," she says, and keeps playing. I leave bemused.

9:25am I hang around reception trying to lodge our paperwork and then realise that I have left my wallet in the car when I go to pay. I leave my laptop and mobile at the front desk and go to get my wallet.

9:40am The phone is in use and so they cannot process my credit card. I try to decide whether to stay or leave. The receptionist offers to go and check on Lily. I accept, relieved. She returns to say that she is quite upset and so I go straight in.

9:45am Lily is crying and cuddling me. She wants a feed so we sit down on a couch and have one. Afterwards we go to sit down with the other children who are eating morning tea. Lily wraps herself around me and snuggles into me. The little girl sitting next to us, K, says to me "I want my mummy." My heart breaks.

10:00am A little boy opposite us is being forced to finish his food. Obviously it distresses him and I feel glad that I have told them (verbally and in writing) never to force Lily to eat. I worry that this might not be enough though...

10:20am Morning tea is over and the children are playing with toy cars. The childcare workers take advantage of my presence to get some jobs done. I feel uncomfortable disciplining the kids, but have to step in a few times when they hit each other or snatch toys. Lily is happy again now and playing with a doll (her 'baby').

10:45am The children are all taken outside to play. Lily takes off to the far end of the play area and I wonder if she would even notice if I wasn't there. Not long afterwards I see that she is visually checking to make sure that I am still around.

11:00am Lily has gotten so involved in her play that she forgets where I am sitting and wanders inside to find me. She gets upset when she is gently redirected outside and so I go to her. She wants to feed again and so we go inside. K sees us leaving and wants to come too. Poor kid.

11:10am Lily is starting to fall asleep while feeding and so I ask her if she would like to go home. She sits up and decides that she would like to play outside again. We go out and K comes running over to me in tears. I put Lily down to play and pick up K. She sits on my lap while Lily plays in the sandpit.

11:30am It is lunchtime and the kids are brought inside to wash their hands. Lily wants to feed again and so I decide to take her home. We gather our things and head to the car. On the way out I check my mobile. I have missed three calls from P (worried about Lily) and have two text messages from people in my mother's group wanting to catch up in the afternoon.

11:50am Lily is starting to fall asleep while feeding in the car and so I ask her if she would like to sit in her chair and go home. She sits up and asks for a "bissie". On the way home she eats her cracker and yawns, but doesn't fall asleep.

12:05pm Lily and I eat our lunch. I wonder when she will go to sleep. I get another text from someone else in mother's group about this afternoon. Monday is a long day for all of us.

12:30pm Lily wants to play outside and so we open up the sandpit. She pours me "cups-a-teas" and I "drink" them. Then she wants to draw with the pavement chalk and so we get some out. We add to P's street-scape from the day before and I draw a dodgey butterfly.

1:10pm We go back inside and I take the opportunity to grab a muffin and a chai. I have another text from another person in mother's group wanting to know how Lily went in childcare and to let me know of still more plans for the afternoon. Lily and I read some books and play with her wooden animals.

1:30pm Lily wants to feed and gradually falls asleep. I put her down in her hammock and sit down to attend to some emails and start this post.

2:05pm Lily stirs. I am worried that she is overtired and won't have a proper sleep, but she resettles quickly when I go in to bounce her hammock.

2:20pm I get a few text messages about the afternoon. No-one seems to have a concrete plan.

2:25pm Lily wakes up again. She is clearly tired, but seems to be wide awake. She asks me to swing her in the hammock and sings and chats to me as I do. The phone rings and the planning for an afternoon activity begins in earnest. I bounce Lily in her hammock while I chat to a couple of people on the phone. I offer our house for a play-meet.

2:40pm Lily has fallen back to sleep!

2:45pm I get a text message "Cristy's place a 3pm". Oops. I run around the house straightening things up.

3:00pm S and J arrive to play. J is not impressed that Lily is asleep and wanders around looking a little bored. S and I talk about childcare. She pulled J out of childcare early this year because she didn't like it. I am realising that I should have just cancelled our booking for tomorrow.

3:15pm I make some tea and put out some food. J amuses himself in the sandpit while S and I chat. I am feeling bad that he has no-one to play with.

3:40pm M and B arrive. J is happy to have someone to play with and I relax a little. I can't believe that Lily is still asleep!

4:00pm Lily wakes up. She feels a little warm to me, but it was warm in the bedroom so I don't think much of it. She is very excited to see J and B.

5:00pm M and B go home. Lily and J continue to play together. They get along incredibly well.

5:15pm I give Lily and J some cauliflower and potato soup for dinner. Lily is very keen, but J wanders off and so she follows. Lily and J shut themselves in her bedroom and we can hear shrieks of laughter from inside. They close the door on us whenever we try to check on them and so we chock it open with a cloth.

5:30pm S and J head home. Lily and I go into the loungeroom to read some books.

5:45pm Lily wants to watch Playschool so I put it on, but then she decides to feed instead.

6:00pm P comes home from work. Lily gets her papa-snuggles and I heat up some soup for us.

6:35pm We are finishing dinner and ask Lily if she would like a bath. "No: Feed," she says. I am a little worried about the frequent feeding. I wonder if she might be getting sick.

7:00pm Lily starts to fall asleep. P changes her nappy while she feeds and we take her temperature because she still feels a little warm. It is a little high - 37.5 C.

7:30pm I put Lily in her hammock and try to finish this post.

7:50pm Lily wakes up quite upset. She is burning up. We try to give her some panadol but she doesn't want it. "Lie down," she says. She tries to feed, but gags and then climbs up on my chest and falls asleep with her arms wrapped around my neck. I guess I have just gone to bed.

10:00pm I wake up boiling hot. I have to take off the quilt as Lily is so hot that neither of us need it. She stirs a little and asks for Papa cuddles.

11:00pm Lily wakes up and tries to feed but gags again so she asks for Papa, Grandma and Grandpa snuggles. I tell her that they are sleeping and she repeats it to herself, "Papa, sleeping. Grandpa, sleeping. Grandma, sleeping." Then she says "Hurting." I ask her where but she just replies "Papa." Then she says "Papa, hurting. Papa, fall down. Grandpa, hurting. Grandpa, fall down. etc..." Poor little thing.

12:00am Lily wakes up and feeds. She then climbs up on my chest to sleep and vomits all over my pillow and down my back. I go to get P. It is going to be a long night.

Postscript: After a night of no sleep for any of us I called the childcare centre to cancel this morning's booking. As I had already paid they told me that the money would be 'credited to my account' and that I wouldn't have to pay next time I brought Lily in for care. I decided not to tell them that there is unlikely to ever be a 'next time'.