A day in the life of

Half Pint Pixie proposed a blog carnival for Monday 25 August - a day in your life. Here is my post for the carnival. It's a little late (and little bit too long), but hopefully you'll understand why when you read it.

4:40am P brings Lily into the spare room where I am sleeping because she is ready for a feed. Last night this was at midnight so 4:40 is pretty good. After a few feeds she climbs up on my chest and goes back to sleep.

7:30am Lily wakes up, has a quick feed and then sits up saying "Papa, cuddle." We go and find P in the bathroom where he is finishing a shave. He overslept and is running late for work.

I jump in the shower while P gets Lily dressed. When I get out Lily comes running into the room asking for a cuddle. Her jeans are almost falling off because she is wearing a disposable nappy (required by childcare). I give her a cuddle then pop her on to the couch in the study while I get dressed.

We go out into the kitchen where P is making porridge and coffee. I run around trying to locate the childcare enrolment form and Lily's immunisation records. (Note to self: must do some filing). I pack her bag with the lunch that I prepared last night (soba noodles, tempeh & broccoli; half a banana; a mandarin; some corn thins and a container of dried fruit).

Lily doesn't want any breakfast of her own, but happily eats from our bowls. She asks to watch Playschool and watches it while sitting on P's lap.

8:45am We all pile into the car and drive into town. I remind Lily that she is going to "school" and that I will be going away and then coming back. "Yes" she says. "Cuddle." Oh dear.

P and I are both feeling sick in the stomach about taking our baby to childcare. We discuss other options (again) and I contemplate quitting my PhD (again). We agree to see how it goes.

9:05am I sign Lily into care and take her into the "mini-toddlers" room. She trots off to play with some toys and I am not sure whether to stay or go. I ask the carers to call me immediately if she gets distressed. After a while I tell her that I am going to leave and say bye bye. "See you soon," she says, and keeps playing. I leave bemused.

9:25am I hang around reception trying to lodge our paperwork and then realise that I have left my wallet in the car when I go to pay. I leave my laptop and mobile at the front desk and go to get my wallet.

9:40am The phone is in use and so they cannot process my credit card. I try to decide whether to stay or leave. The receptionist offers to go and check on Lily. I accept, relieved. She returns to say that she is quite upset and so I go straight in.

9:45am Lily is crying and cuddling me. She wants a feed so we sit down on a couch and have one. Afterwards we go to sit down with the other children who are eating morning tea. Lily wraps herself around me and snuggles into me. The little girl sitting next to us, K, says to me "I want my mummy." My heart breaks.

10:00am A little boy opposite us is being forced to finish his food. Obviously it distresses him and I feel glad that I have told them (verbally and in writing) never to force Lily to eat. I worry that this might not be enough though...

10:20am Morning tea is over and the children are playing with toy cars. The childcare workers take advantage of my presence to get some jobs done. I feel uncomfortable disciplining the kids, but have to step in a few times when they hit each other or snatch toys. Lily is happy again now and playing with a doll (her 'baby').

10:45am The children are all taken outside to play. Lily takes off to the far end of the play area and I wonder if she would even notice if I wasn't there. Not long afterwards I see that she is visually checking to make sure that I am still around.

11:00am Lily has gotten so involved in her play that she forgets where I am sitting and wanders inside to find me. She gets upset when she is gently redirected outside and so I go to her. She wants to feed again and so we go inside. K sees us leaving and wants to come too. Poor kid.

11:10am Lily is starting to fall asleep while feeding and so I ask her if she would like to go home. She sits up and decides that she would like to play outside again. We go out and K comes running over to me in tears. I put Lily down to play and pick up K. She sits on my lap while Lily plays in the sandpit.

11:30am It is lunchtime and the kids are brought inside to wash their hands. Lily wants to feed again and so I decide to take her home. We gather our things and head to the car. On the way out I check my mobile. I have missed three calls from P (worried about Lily) and have two text messages from people in my mother's group wanting to catch up in the afternoon.

11:50am Lily is starting to fall asleep while feeding in the car and so I ask her if she would like to sit in her chair and go home. She sits up and asks for a "bissie". On the way home she eats her cracker and yawns, but doesn't fall asleep.

12:05pm Lily and I eat our lunch. I wonder when she will go to sleep. I get another text from someone else in mother's group about this afternoon. Monday is a long day for all of us.

12:30pm Lily wants to play outside and so we open up the sandpit. She pours me "cups-a-teas" and I "drink" them. Then she wants to draw with the pavement chalk and so we get some out. We add to P's street-scape from the day before and I draw a dodgey butterfly.

1:10pm We go back inside and I take the opportunity to grab a muffin and a chai. I have another text from another person in mother's group wanting to know how Lily went in childcare and to let me know of still more plans for the afternoon. Lily and I read some books and play with her wooden animals.

1:30pm Lily wants to feed and gradually falls asleep. I put her down in her hammock and sit down to attend to some emails and start this post.

2:05pm Lily stirs. I am worried that she is overtired and won't have a proper sleep, but she resettles quickly when I go in to bounce her hammock.

2:20pm I get a few text messages about the afternoon. No-one seems to have a concrete plan.

2:25pm Lily wakes up again. She is clearly tired, but seems to be wide awake. She asks me to swing her in the hammock and sings and chats to me as I do. The phone rings and the planning for an afternoon activity begins in earnest. I bounce Lily in her hammock while I chat to a couple of people on the phone. I offer our house for a play-meet.

2:40pm Lily has fallen back to sleep!

2:45pm I get a text message "Cristy's place a 3pm". Oops. I run around the house straightening things up.

3:00pm S and J arrive to play. J is not impressed that Lily is asleep and wanders around looking a little bored. S and I talk about childcare. She pulled J out of childcare early this year because she didn't like it. I am realising that I should have just cancelled our booking for tomorrow.

3:15pm I make some tea and put out some food. J amuses himself in the sandpit while S and I chat. I am feeling bad that he has no-one to play with.

3:40pm M and B arrive. J is happy to have someone to play with and I relax a little. I can't believe that Lily is still asleep!

4:00pm Lily wakes up. She feels a little warm to me, but it was warm in the bedroom so I don't think much of it. She is very excited to see J and B.

5:00pm M and B go home. Lily and J continue to play together. They get along incredibly well.

5:15pm I give Lily and J some cauliflower and potato soup for dinner. Lily is very keen, but J wanders off and so she follows. Lily and J shut themselves in her bedroom and we can hear shrieks of laughter from inside. They close the door on us whenever we try to check on them and so we chock it open with a cloth.

5:30pm S and J head home. Lily and I go into the loungeroom to read some books.

5:45pm Lily wants to watch Playschool so I put it on, but then she decides to feed instead.

6:00pm P comes home from work. Lily gets her papa-snuggles and I heat up some soup for us.

6:35pm We are finishing dinner and ask Lily if she would like a bath. "No: Feed," she says. I am a little worried about the frequent feeding. I wonder if she might be getting sick.

7:00pm Lily starts to fall asleep. P changes her nappy while she feeds and we take her temperature because she still feels a little warm. It is a little high - 37.5 C.

7:30pm I put Lily in her hammock and try to finish this post.

7:50pm Lily wakes up quite upset. She is burning up. We try to give her some panadol but she doesn't want it. "Lie down," she says. She tries to feed, but gags and then climbs up on my chest and falls asleep with her arms wrapped around my neck. I guess I have just gone to bed.

10:00pm I wake up boiling hot. I have to take off the quilt as Lily is so hot that neither of us need it. She stirs a little and asks for Papa cuddles.

11:00pm Lily wakes up and tries to feed but gags again so she asks for Papa, Grandma and Grandpa snuggles. I tell her that they are sleeping and she repeats it to herself, "Papa, sleeping. Grandpa, sleeping. Grandma, sleeping." Then she says "Hurting." I ask her where but she just replies "Papa." Then she says "Papa, hurting. Papa, fall down. Grandpa, hurting. Grandpa, fall down. etc..." Poor little thing.

12:00am Lily wakes up and feeds. She then climbs up on my chest to sleep and vomits all over my pillow and down my back. I go to get P. It is going to be a long night.

Postscript: After a night of no sleep for any of us I called the childcare centre to cancel this morning's booking. As I had already paid they told me that the money would be 'credited to my account' and that I wouldn't have to pay next time I brought Lily in for care. I decided not to tell them that there is unlikely to ever be a 'next time'.

Boo boo and Dar

I'd like to introduce you to "Boo boo" and "Dar". They are both softies that I made during the last couple of months from the fabulous "Softies" book.



"Boo boo" is called "Albert Monkey" in the book, but Lily named him before I'd even finished his head. In fact, he took a while to finish because she kept stealing the head and carrying it around with her. It was an odd sight...



"Dar" is called "Cosmonaut Devil" in the book and I actually made him for P for his birthday, but Lily adopted him and he didn't have the heart to take him off her. For some reason everyone seems to think that he is a Telletubbie...

Wordless Wednesday - Our dream garden

Veg*nism and attachment parenting

I have just starting making my way through a huge backlog of posts on bloglines that accumulated while I was away and have just had the pleasure of reading this post by To-Fu* (guest posting over at Crunchy Domestic Goddess) on the connection between Veg*nism and Attachment Parenting.

I really enjoyed To-Fu's post because it resonated with me so strongly. I like the way she points out the natural affinity between choosing to adopt a veg*n lifestyle out of compassion for other living creatures and choosing to adopt an AP parenting style out of compassion for babies & children (not that these choices are the only way of acting on this compassion - but they are the two that I personally have made).

I also agree with her that adopting both lifestyles can bring you in for a huge range of defensive reactions from other people who see your choice as an implicit criticism of their own (or, at least, of the status quo):

Both the AP lifestyle and veg*nism require a person to strip away tradition and ignore well-meaning but faulty advice [I would say "unhelpful" rather than "faulty" but...]. Talking about veg*nism can be tough for the same reasons it’s hard to talk about extended breastfeeding, sleep sharing, gentle discipline, and all that is AP: People who aren’t into it (for whatever reason) tend to feel judged or indicted.

What I related to most of all, however, was her allusion to the feelings of isolation that this can engender. The defensive reactions I can handle. In fact, they can quite easily be kept to a minimum either through tact or, with the most defensive types, silence on touchy issues. The main issue for me is the feeling of isolation that this silence (and walking on eggshells) can create.

Especially when Lily was a little baby I sometimes found it extremely difficult to share my feelings of frustration over her feeding all night (and all day), over our difficulties in getting her to nap anywhere but in the sling and in the exhaustion that this situation created for me. Most people's reaction to this issue was simply to say - "Put her down to sleep in her own cot!" or "Don't feed her so much." But the thing was that this wasn't helpful to me. I needed support in getting through what is a very short period of intense time in my baby's life - a time when she genuinely needed me to be available to her and to be truly responsive to her needs. For me, ignoring her needs (and I truly believe that they were needs) was not an option, instead what I needed was assistance in building up my own reserves - either through eating better, drinking more water, taking rest when it was available, asking for assistance with tasks that became overwhelming AND (most importantly, I think) truly accepting my choice to parent Lily in this way.

In fact, for me everything became much easier when I really embraced attachment parenting and really truly learned to trust my own instincts - rather than allowing other people's opinions and advice to constantly plant seeds of doubt in my mind and to force me to question myself all the time. Feeding or soothing an unsettled baby frequently during the night can be very tiring, but it is far more exhausting when you are constantly wondering if you should be doing something different and if you have "created a rod for your own back". When you actually believe deep inside that you are giving your child a true feeling of security and connection that will stay with them for the rest of their lives, and when you know that you are sharing this experience with countless other lovely parents around the globe, then the night becomes a lot shorter and a lot kinder.
I could turn around now and link this back into veg*nism and the joy of sharing this lifestyle (and yummy food & recipes) with other people around the world, but I really need to do some work! But, just quickly, this is why I love the blogosphere so much - because it was through other blogs (and lovely commenters on this blog) that I came to find other people who were parenting their children in the same way that P and I are trying to parent Lily and it was by reading their experiences and sharing our experiences with them that I was able to break through my own feelings of isolation and the self-doubt that these feelings created.

(OK, I really am going to write my bloody PhD now.)

[*Found through HPP, thank you!]

Baby Steiner Doll

Last week my sister-in-law and I decided to make baby Steiner dolls for our little ones. We were inspired by this post from Loobylu, which kindly linked to a nice simple tutorial by Sooz. Here is the result.



It is very "handmade", uhum, but Lily likes it. She alternates between calling it a "person" and a "baby", before "snuddling" it. It is made from 100% wool felt from here and filled up with wool stuffing. I would like to make one with a little more character (like Loobylu's), but am not feeling quite tricky enough yet...

This girl dressed herself

Lily insisted on choosing her own clothes this morning.

"Dress," she demanded as we entered her room.

"OK, which one?" I said, as I offered her a couple of choices.

"This one." (The PINK one!)

It is cold outside today so I offered her a choice of pants for underneath.

"No; tights," she replied. And so I complied. I guess she can always where leg warmers and a jacket over the top...

Where do they learn these things?

Here is a photo of her chosen outfit:

Fronch toast

P had a craving for "Fronch Toast" (vegan French Toast) yesterday and so that is what we had for lunch - topped with fresh strawberries and a drizzle of maple syrup. Not exactly nutritious, but it certainly was delicious. Thanks P!

17 months

Dear Lily

On Thursday you turned 17 months old.

As usual you are amazing us with just how quickly you are growing up. In the last couple of weeks you grew so fast that suddenly all of your pants were too short. Your language is also getting more and more sophisticated. You are now able to communicate very clearly with us - to tell us what you want, how you are feeling and (most often) inform us as to what you are planning to do next. You will often announce: "sitting" "dancing" or "stomping" just prior to launching into that exact action.



You seem to have taken a little more interest in food lately too, which is probably a good thing. Often around 4pm you will look at me and say "Mum dinner" and when I ask you what you want your usual answer will be "Broccoli", although every now and then it is "Mushroom", "Pasta" or "Rice". Earlier in the day you are more likely to demand "'matoes", "Bissies" (corn thins, rice crackers...), "Blueberries" (sometimes: "Blueblues"), "Strawberries", "Toast with 'mite" (vegemite), "Tofu", "Tempeh" or "Soym" (soy milk). In a somewhat poor reflection on us as parents you have also started to demand "Coffee" in the morning. Fortunately an empty cup appears to satisfy this demand.


You have also taken to asking us for foot rubs, which I think is hilarious. Your usual method is to say "Foot: hurts: rubbing", but "Foot: rubbing" is becoming more common since you have realised that you apparently don't need to provide pain as an excuse. My favourite demand at the moment, however, is when you ask for a "snuddle". Fortunately this is a fairly frequent occurrence, but it still makes my heart swell every time you ask for one.



Last month we went on a family holiday to Brunswick Heads on the NSW north coast. Unfortunately you got very ill with a middle-ear infection for part of our time there, but other than that we all had a wonderful time. Your grandma (my Mum) came to stay with us for a week and you really enjoyed having her around. In fact, you now ask (hopefully) for "Grandma" whenever you see a woman with glasses on and got quite excited when you thought that you had found her in the pages of a magazine.



While on holidays, we were staying just near a wonderful little cafe designed for parents and children and you made good friends with the resident little boy; Charlie. Every day you would ask to visit Charlie - which was just as well for mama and papa, because it allowed us to get a coffee fix while we were there. We were also across the road from a gorgeous park that was set right on the river. First thing in the morning you would look out the window, see the park and demand that we go out. Your favourite part of this park was the slide. It was a tall twisty one and on our first morning there you figured out how to climb up all the stairs, turn around and go down backwards (on your tummy) all by yourself. I was very impressed and you were in heaven.



Once you got over your ear infection we also had lots of fun trips to the beach. We would dig a big hole in the sand to play in and when we got it just right it would fill up with water which was excellent fun to splash around in. Even though it was the middle of winter, the weather was still warm enough for us to actually have a couple of swims too. I was so impressed by how brave you were in the water. You marched out until it was above your waist and even got back on to your feet after being knocked over by a wave.



On the way to and from our holiday we stayed overnight with your grandparents in Sydney. You love being at their house because they have a dog (Midnight) and a cat (Freya). You chased poor Freya around the house saying "Pat, pat" and every now and then she condescends to actually letting you touch her. Unfortunately Midnight is still a bit young and a bit big for you to really pat him yet, but you both love each other dearly from a distance and are no doubt plotting all sorts of adventures together for when you are both older and calmer.

When we got home you picked up every phone (toy and otherwise) in the house, saying "Hello? Grandma? Grandpa?", so it may be that you love their house for more than just the animals. It made me sad to think that we live so far away from them, but at least you cheered up considerably when your other grandparents came over for a visit and when we were able to get over to your cousins' house for a nice long play. I am so happy that you are growing into such a happy little social being and it is so much fun to watch you form relationships with other people (especially the special people in my life).



Next month spring will finally return. I am looking forward to getting outdoors with you more and letting you explore the big wide world.



love
mama
xo

Wordless Wednesday - a very big sandpit

For more Wordless Wednesdays click here.

We're back

We got back yesterday from our two-week holiday in Brunswick Heads (a beachside town in northern NSW, Australia). With the exception of a very unfortunate period during which Lily was incredibly unwell with a middle ear infection (and our crappy accommodation, which I will tell you about later) we had an absolutely lovely time.

Brunswick Heads is such a lovely little town and the weather was mostly warm and sunny. We spent many a day lazing around on the beach, playing at the park and browsing the local markets. In fact, we fell in love with the area so much that we even toyed with the idea of buying a house up there. It was this gorgeous converted weatherboard church on a large country block in the middle of nowhere - paradise. Needless to say we came to our senses when we remembered that we actually couldn't afford it...